Clarity
by onthepursuitofhappiness
Summary: Bella has the perfect life: she has good grades, great friends, and boyfriend who adoes her. But after a chance meeting with elusive, bad boy Edward her life gets turned upside down as she struggles to decide what she wants and what she needs. LEMONS!
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hey all. So I'm starting to re-post _Clarity_ again. And I really wanted to right a prologue/preface this time, so I did. I tried to be all deep and stuff, so I hope you guys like it. After the first part of the prologue, there's the second part which is a piece of a chapter later in the story. The lyrics after my Author's note is the song that inspired me to write this story in the first place. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the prologue and the excerpt, so happy reading! Oh and I will post the first chapter of the story later tonight, so keep an eye out for it.**

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"_If I had the chance to say remove the walls, let's clean the slate, would it makes us new? Should we find a way to start without the mess we've made this far, would it makes us new? I've seen this movie once before, don't need to see the end, no. I can't get away and you will never leave me, addicted to the game, it's time to make it easy. I can't get enough, so I have to do the right thing and give you back 'cause I'm done stealin'_."

- _Done Stealin'_**; **Carolina Liar

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**Prologue **

Clarity. What is Clarity? According to Webster's Dictionary Clarity is [klar-i-tee], _n_, 1. Clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity. 2. The state or quality of being clear or transparent to the eye; pellucidity: the clarity of pure water.

Now what type of clearness is this definition of clarity about? Maybe it's visual perception, like, the nail polish is clear or something.

Or maybe it's clarity about photography, like image resolution.

Or maybe it's clarity about something concrete like the power rule in calculus.

Or maybe it's the clarity between two people and their relationship. Like, finally seeing the boundaries and realizing whether they've been crossed or not.

Out of all these things, that last version of clarity is the most dangerous.

Dangerous because that type of clarity deals with emotions. And emotions are scary. And not just any kind of scary, they're that I-feel-like-I'm-jumping-off-a-cliff-adrenaline-rush type of scary.

Because sometimes, the way you feel, your emotions, lead you to some perilous places that you don't necessarily want to be because you're too afraid or confused.

But besides all the danger that comes along with that last form of clarity, there's some good that goes along with it too. The good thing is that it can't be seen with the naked eye. It's a matter or personal perception.

Emotions are a matter or personal perception. And maybe that's why they lie in the sacred spaces of our hearts.

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She wondered if it was possible to take someone else's pain away with a kiss. Because that's exactly what she wanted to do. She wanted to kiss away the pain, the anger, the drama, and all the tragedy because he was just a boy.

A boy she wanted.

A boy she needed.

A boy she loved.

So she reached out and cupped the back of his head, turning it toward hers. He slightly moved away, but she still leaned forward and cupped his cheek. Then, ever so slightly, she kissed him. And he kissed her back, his lips tender and gentle.

They kissed for a little bit until he pulled away, "I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse.

"For what?" She asked.

"Lots of things," he replied, his voice distant. "I just need time to figure some stuff out." He stopped and the started again. "I..we..um,..can you..Can you just be here with me?" I nodded, taking his hand and gently squeezing it.

We sat there, for who knows how long, just _being_ there together, holding hands. And for the first time, in a long time, she felt like everything just might be okay.

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**So was it good? Bad? Please leave a review and let me know what you thought of it!**


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: Hey guys! So I know I promised to post this last night, but I was really tired after work so I didn't feel like it. But here we are. Chapter two should be up sometime next week. Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time! Happy reading! **

**Summary:** Bella has the perfect life: she has good grades, great friends, and boyfriend who adoes her. But after a chance meeting with elusive, bad boy Edward her life gets turned upside down as she struggles to decide what she wants and what she needs. LEMONS!

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"_Go on, go on, go on, the stars are watching. Just say, just say, just say what you're feeling…it's okay_."  
- _Pony (It's Okay) _**;** Erin McCarley

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**Chapter One**

Bella didn't really know what drove her here tonight. She was sitting on the ground, which for once wasn't wet at all. They'd been going through a dry spell in Forks for the past two weeks -- not a single drop of rain, all sunshine, well, with the exception of some clouds. This _was_ Forks of course.

_That's it!_, she thought. It must be all the sunshine that got to her, she wouldn't have come to this place otherwise. After all, she hadn't been to this place in a long time. Two years to this date, to be exact. She picked at the grass, and finally looked up the marble in front of her.

_**Charles A. Swan**_

_**April 1963 - September 2007**_

_**Loving Son, Father, and Husband**_

Two years ago on September 13, 2007 she stood in this same cemetery, burying her father. Charlie died on the job. He was the Sheriff in the small town of Forks, which had a very low crime rate. It was all a huge shock. 'Town Sheriff Shot in the Line of Duty' the headlines said.

Charlie had gotten a call for a domestic disturbance in an out-lying area of Forks as he was getting off of work. Originally, he was going to ignore the call since he was already on his way home, but he didn't.

He was shot once in the arm, the suspect had claimed that was his "warning shot," but Charlie didn't walk away. After that he was shot once in the leg, and once more in the chest.

Bella remembered everything about the night they got the call. She was sitting at the kitchen table, arguing with her mother about her birthday plans and how long she could stay out, when the phone rang. Renee's face when from a glare to completely solemn in the span of a few seconds.

She remembered the ride to the hospital and everything that happened at the hospital more than anything. Her mother kept saying "It's okay, it's gonna be okay." But it wasn't. After he was rushed into surgery, and put into ICU, Charlie passed away.

Everything after they got the official news from the doctor was a complete blur. She didn't really remember much besides the doctor saying "too much internal bleeding."

A slew of people came and went through the Swan residence as Forks learned the news, everyone giving their condolences and some actually saying "I understand." But they didn't. They had no freaking clue how it was.

In the days leading up to the funeral, Renee was a wreck, and Bella was the one who took care of her. As everyone grieved along with Renee, Bella kept everything inside. Not once did she shed a tear in front of anyone, especially her mother.

During the funeral, she stood quietly -- stoically, holding her mother's hand as her father's coffin, draped in an American flag was lowered into the ground.

"Hey Dad," she whispered, touching the marble as a few silent tears slid down her face. "It's me, Bella, though I'm sure you already know that.

"So I know I haven't been here in a long, long time and I'm sorry," she picked at the grass. "I just…I miss you."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

A few more tears fell, "So you know what today is? September 13th, my birthday. I'm all grown up," she smiled faintly, remembering how she was always 'Daddy's Little Girl.'

She sat in silence for a bit, just staring at the marble. It had finally it her. He was gone. Really gone. And had it really already been two years? Why does life move so fast? One minute you're here, and then in a flash you're gone.

After a few more minutes of just sitting and wondering, she grew tired. It had been a long day. Way too long. _Time to go home_, she thought.

As she walked past the other headstones, she wondered about these other people and their families. Every hour, every minute, probably every second, someone was gone forever and then there were their families. Left behind, to deal with it all.

_It sucks_, she thought as walked, when she saw something. Someone. It was Edward Cullen. He was elusive in Forks -- he was the small town's so-called bad boy, according to Forks' residents he had some sort of shady, messed up past filled with drama and tragedy.

She tried to leave discreetly, but it was too late, he heard her.

"I..um..hi?" She stuttered as he looked at her. "I, um, wasn't eavesdropping or anything."

He just stared at her.

"Oh-kay," she said awkwardly, "I'll be leaving now."

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "It's midnight, shouldn't you be in bed, Princess? Don't you have a Student Council meeting in the morning or something?"

She rolled her eyes, who was he to act like her knew her? "Just because I'm Student Council President doesn't mean that I have a bedtime."

"Alright," he paused. "I shouldn't be one to pass judgments."

"You got that right," she huffed.

"But seriously, what are you doing here?"

"It's my birthday," she answered.

"So you came to _a cemetery_?" He questioned, "I never thought you were so masochistic." His eyes danced with curiosity.

"I'm not," she answered. "I, uh, I was visiting my Dad."

"Oh," was all he said.

She didn't say anything, she was waiting for the usual 'I'm-sorry-about-your-Dad-and-I-totally-understand-when-I-really-don't-understand-at-all' speech.

Instead, he didn't say anything, and she just stared at him.

He looked up, "What?"

"Nothing," she paused. "I mean, I was just expecting some big speech about how you're sorry that my Dad's gone and how it was all 'God's plan' and how you totally understand."

"Well don't expect that from me," he got up off the ground. "I'm not like everyone else. And all that 'I'm sorry', 'I understand' stuff is total bullshit. You don't know shit till you've been through it yourself."

"True," she said. "They all they say they understand--"

He cut her off, "But they don't."

"Exactly."

Silence.

They sat like this for a while, both lost in their own thoughts when she looked at him. He was such a mystery -- not only to her, but to most people in Forks. No one really knew much about him.

All she knew about him was that he'd moved to Forks Freshman year of high school, and that he drove a shiny, silver Volvo.

At school, she never really saw him with anybody except for a few girls that she'd assumed were his girlfriends. According to Gossip Girl, Jessica, Edward was some sort of player or something. _Or something_. _Maybe he was just really _something, Bella thought as they sat there.

"So I still don't get why you're here tonight," Edward broke the silence.

"It's complicated."

"Okay," he said indifferently.

They sat in silence (standing in Edward's case) for a few more minutes again. _He sure _was_ something_, she thought. He wasn't like other people who would badger until you told them your whole freakin' life story.

"My mom's been cleaning out our house," she stated. He looked at her, clearly confused. "She's been cleaning out all my Dad's old stuff -- his fishing gear, all of his clothes, everything.

"And I guess all of that got me to thinking. Like, when he died my Mom was a mess. And for the first few weeks she cried and mourned and then after that, she moved on. She took down all of the pictures in our house that had him in it and it was like he never existed.

"She never talked about it -- never mentioned him or anything. And I guess it's hard for her, but still, it's been hard for me too. And since she's been cleaning everything out it's like, _it's real_,you know? He's really, really gone.

"And the other day, when she was cleaning stuff out, I found my 18th birthday present from him. It was all wrapped up and everything -- like he'd been waiting to give it to me, which he was, I guess.

"And now, I'm here. You know, I haven't been here since the funeral? I know, right? I suck. I'm the worst daughter ever, but it's been tough on me…" she drifted off, as some tears welled in her eyes.

He looked at her, amazed and confused. No one would've ever guessed that Student Council President, Bella Swan would ever have so much going on with her. He didn't know what to say exactly, so he just said the first thing that popped into his head.

"So why'd you tell me all of that? I mean, we don't even know each other."

She shrugged, "I don't know, 'cause I felt like it, I guess."

He just nodded, somewhat understanding and looked down at his phone.

"What time is it?" She asked. Renee would _freak_ if she knew that Bella was out past midnight on a school night.

"One forty-six."

"Ah, it's the exact time I was born."

"Really?" He asked, she nodded. "So what do you say we get out of here then?"

"What?" she asked, confused.

"It's your birthday -- you're finally eighteen, don't you think you should go out and have some fun?"

"But we have school tomorrow--"

"Live a little, Swan. We have school 5 days a week, missing one day won't hurt you," he winked.

"You would know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're my Bio partner and you're pretty much never there, except on lab days and test days and somehow seem to still be passing."

"So you're stalking me know?" He gave her this adorable, sexy, crooked grin.

"No," she shook her head, a little flustered. "It's just not that hard to notice when I'm always sitting by myself at our lab bench and you're only there once a week for the lab days."

He chuckled in response, "So what do you say?"

"What?"

"Do you wanna get out of here?"

"I should probably go home and get some sleep, it's been a long day…" she turned to leave when he grabbed her arm and pulled her toward him.

"Or you could come with me?"

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**So was it good, bad? Give me your thoughts! Oh and this weekend I'm buying a laptop and I'm not sure if I should get a Dell or HP. Which one is better?  
**  
**_Review._**


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